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Build in continuity for your children's sake
Both of you, as parents, also need to create continuity. The noncustodial parent should have a room in his or her house for your child, and visits should be regular. More importantly, the noncustodial parent should involve the child in his/her everyday routine rather than treating the child as a guest. The noncustodial parent should also avoid an every-day-is-Christmas attitude, for it will make the custodial parent look bad.
Be aware that your child will perceive the noncustodial parent as a substitute parent if the custodial parent starts dating again. If children become upset about this, talk to them about it, let them know you understand their feelings, and help them understand that you have feelings, too. It is also important to provide them with support systems (family, church, counselors, etc.).
--Eileen Bazelon, M.D.
Allegheny University/MCP Consultant, Bryn Mawr College, and private practice. (215) 844-2333
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- If you need a custody evaluator, investigate whether the evaluator is licensed and experienced. Make sure the evaluation involves all members of the family, and avoid employing an evaluator who has had a prior personal or professional relationship with any member of the family.
Include your children in the discussion of custody and visitation rights, taking their point of view into consideration. Try to use alternative means of deciding custody (such as mediation) rather than resorting to expensive and potentially bitter litigation.
--Donald Bersoff, Ph.D., J.D.
Villanova University School of Law/Allegheny University. (215) 762-8464 link.html.
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