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Mixing faiths at holiday time As a mother of three small children, the holidays are an exciting time of year. I love dressing up the house, decorating with lights, the smell of the tree and the warm family gatherings. To me, Christmas means family, love, giving to others and sharing thanks. My kids look forward to it, too, but for a different reason. To my children, it means presents. This is mostly my fault and my husband Ron's fault. You see, we have an interfaith marriage: I was raised Catholic, and Ron was raised Jewish. So far, we've been sitting on the fence about how to raise our children with respect to their diverse heritages. I guess we've been hoping that if we ignore it, the issue will go away. It hasn't. While it may be hard to strike a balance between Christianity and Judaism-or any combination of beliefs and cultures within a family-I believe it can be done. In fact, it must be done because, more and more, the multicultural family is becoming the norm in America, rather than the exception.

Reconciliation I spoke with a couple of advisors on this topic, and they were quick to point out that multi-faith holidays are a very personal issue to which there are no cookie-cutter answers. Also, we can't assume that every parent feels that Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa needs to be treated as a religious holiday. However, since in my family we both feel the December holidays should be observed reverently, I asked the two advisors to offer ideas on how to the balance the differences in our family. Their answers only seemed to add to our dilemma: For Cathi Reckenbeil, director of Youth Services at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Somerville, NJ, the very soul of Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and giving thanks for our blessings. On the other side, Rabbi Irwin Fishbein, a Rabbinic intermarriage counselor in Westfield, NJ, maintains that Hanukkah is a minor holiday that has absolutely nothing in common with Christmas-aside from coming at the same time of the year. What I've found in all this searching, however, is that the religions do have something in common: a basic humanism that appeals to many families. The origins of most faiths and moral codes may be different, but the messages are essentially the same-to respect and care for one another, to live our lives according to honest principles, and to get our own houses in order instead of judging others'. These concepts are what we need to pass on to our children. While practicing these ideals is a year-round effort, the holidays are a good time to remind your family to think of others' well-being. This is the time to remind them that the spirit of giving is not in the presents you buy but in showing that you care for people. For example, when Mommy is asked what she wants, an answer along the lines of, "How about a walk in the park?" can show children much about the true meaning of giving and receiving. Gifts from children can be anything from redeemer coupons for hugs and kisses to promises of shoveling the sidewalk or doing the dishes. This is also a good idea for caregivers and parents, as well. An afternoon spent with a working parent can mean much more to a child than the latest plastic action figure. With much talking and coaching, children can learn that presents are nice, but it's the love that we give each other that really makes the difference in our lives. And for us, by being a blended family, we're enriched by the best aspects of both cultures and religious faiths. by Jennifer I.W. Hess