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The Child is Father of the Man Ask a room full of parents: "What are little boys made of?" And you'll get the unanimous reply: "Snips and snails and puppy dog tails." Sounds a little like Frankenstein's monster. Who would be proud to be made of that? No one. But it's often the first definition boys get in a lifelong search for identify. Most little boys would probably prefer being made of finer ingredients, like "sugar and spice and everything nice." But as we all know from the nursery rhyme, "that is what little girls are made of." Perhaps we should take a sober look at how boys are socialized in society -- via the images and values of male role models, reflected on a hundred million television screens across America. Television programs have often done a disservice to girls and women by portraying them as helpless, flighty, flirty or devious. Most toy commercials would have girls believe that their lives are limited to playing with dolls. It's a harmful message to tell them they can only be models or mommies; but not athletes or astronauts, engineers or executives. Why limit their dreams?

"Be a man" Equally disturbing is the way boys are taught that their roles in life are also limited by gender. But society seems less concerned with this other end of sexism. For the first 10 or 15 years of life, we subject boys to a relentless campaign of gender brainwashing. They are told: "Be a man. Big boys don't cry. Don't play with dolls. Don't play with girls. Be tough. Hurt someone before they hurt you. Don't come home cryin' to me, or I'll really give you something to cry for." And on and on. So, what's wrong with that? We pay dearly for it later, with serious social problems like domestic abuse and gang violence. During adolescence, we abruptly expect that boys will soon magically change into good men -- fathers, husbands, partners. It's an unrealistic expectation. A troubled boy is the blueprint for a troubled man. If the first part of one's life is spent learning to be hard, menacing and aloof, how does one suddenly learn to start caring about others? We can't blame it all on society. We should look at the examples we parents set, what messages we give our children, and determine if the TV programs our children watch reflect positive values. Concerned about these gender issues on TV? Then carefully choose programs for children -- like those that show men as caring, sharing, responsible adults; not as cruel, selfish, or pleasure-seeking buffoons. If we want young men to become good partners and parents, we must give boys proper role models and positive reinforcement. Criticize shows that stick to stereotypes, but also praise the positive role models and behavior you see. Remind your child that regardless of gender, we are all human beings; and everyone should be treated with respect. Tune in to TV12 -- where positive role models abound. by Samuel M. Lemon, M.S. Manager, Community Education Services