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I spoke with Ann Grant, director of Good Shepherd Christian Day Care in Somerville, New Jersey, who informed me that teaching children to think for themselves is an on-going process. External forces will always be present. Children need guidance on how to filter out the good from the bad - early and often..
Grant has worked with children for 30 years, and holds a degree in special education/early childhood development. I also asked advice of other parents who have successfully raised children. All agreed upon one thing: Talk to your kids openly and honestly. Start early, and never stop.
Very young children have no frame of reference to rely on, when external forces start influencing them, says Alfred Walker, father of three and grandfather to four. Commercials aimed at children often create unrealistic expectations. New Barbie ads have been launched recently using computer-generated graphics to animate the dolls, which make them seem almost life-like. However, aside from simply looking pretty, the new Barbie dolls do little more than the old dolls did. The announcer's voice may say: "Doll does not move on her own," but little ears don't notice it. And even when quick disclaimers are shown on the screen, many children watching don't know how to read.
Children are bombarded with television advertising aimed directly at them. The average child sees over 400 commericals each week. These ads will likely increase in number and frequency over the next two months in time for the holiday frenzy.
When kids see a sports star wearing sneakers and sinking basket after basket on the court, or leaping from building to building, one unfortunate message is: the thing that matters most is what you buy or what you wear - not what kind of person you are.
Grant says that some ads are aimed at parents, too, possibly by trying to make them feel guilty if their child doesn't have the latest new toy. Children should be encouraged to remember all the things they may have already. A parent might say "I'd like to buy that for you, but we really can't spend the extra money right now." Perhaps that might be something to save for later in the year. Youngsters also need to begin to grasp the importance between instant gratification and long-term goals, Grant says.
You might take it one step further by saying, "Would you like it if I spent extra time playing with you?" Time may be the most valuable gift we can give our children, and additional play time with you may seem like a fair trade. If your children begin to learn how to make good decisions now, it may benefit them later when they reach their teenage years, and some peers may encourage them to become involved in harmful activities. It's a life skill we all need.
This process can start with something as easy as deciding what to wear. My daughter now only wears the shirt with buttons when she's at home and Amy and her other friends can't see her. As for my son, his bear was washed in the same detergent we always use. But he was washed with some other things Alex picked out, at the time when he wanted to wash him, and that was as far as I could go.
Grant says children generally want to please us, and they want to do what's right. If you help your children think more about their place in the world while they're still under your watchful eye, this can give them a strong foundation for making decisions safely and wisely. That's the best gift we can give them.
by Jennifer I.W. Hess
Jennifer I.W. Hess is a free-lance writer and mother of three young children.
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The other day my son, who is in kindergarten, and I were negotiating the laundering of his favorite bear. We both agreed he needed a bath, but for some reason the detergent was a sticking point. You see, I use the stuff in the orange box, and Alex wanted me to use the stuff in the blue box with the three color stripes.