Parenting Tips
By Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D
For the WHYY Children's Service

The Unpopular Child

Is your child picked on, teased by classmates, left out of play at school?

Here's some ways you can help.

• Try to find the cause. If your child tells you the kids don't like her or won't include her in their group, avoid glossing over this in hopes it will go away.
• Let her know you understand she's unhappy, and let her know you care. If your child's classmates are merciless, as kids can sometimes be, help her think of just one thing she's really good at, and focus on that for now. It will help her focus on her strengths, feel good about herself, and may help get those classmates to see her in a new light.
• If she's teased, you can begin to help her think through what she can do or say so kids will stop that, and then maybe the kids will ask her to join with them.

One classmate told Tanya, "You're hair is ugly, you've got plaits." Instead of unleashing a good swift kick, she simply looked at him and said, "My hair is different from yours." What a different outcome than might have been had Tanya not been able to control her anger, or have an inner strength, and confidence in herself.

No one had to tell this girl what to say. She could think for herself. Tanya is 4 years old.