Parenting Tips
By Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D
For the WHYY Children's Service

Will I Have A Friend?

Is your child anxious about making friends at school? Making even one good friend is very important to the way children feel about themselves and others. Those who feel rejected, or ignored can feel frustrated, angry, or sad. But if you tell her what to do to make friends, will she hear you and come home happy because you gave her good advice?

One mom told me that Sarah, her 5-year-old came home day after day sulking, "Mommy, Jennifer won't play with me." And her mom suggested, "Invite her to our house to play with your new video game."

The next day, Sarah again said, "Mommy, Jennifer won't play with me." Still trying to be helpful, mom offered, "Then let her ride your new bike?"

The next day, same thing: "Mommy, Jennifer won't play with me."

Finally, Mom asked, "What can you think of to do or say?"

The next day, Sarah came home beaming, "Mommy, Jennifer played with me today."

"What did you do, Mom asked?

"I asked her."

So simple. Who was doing the thinking now? If we ask, not tell our kids what to do, even as young as age 4 and 5, they can think of their own ways to solve their problems - if we let them.