Parenting Tips
By Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D
For the WHYY Children's Service

Divorce at Holiday Time

It's time for the holidays and you're separated or divorced. This is hard at any time. It's especially hard now. You may feel this is a good time to make this up to the kids. Be careful.

Here's some things to keep in mind, and possibilities to do:

• Sum Talk to your ex-spouse about gifts to buy so you both don't buy the same thing. Your child may ask you both for that new computer - to double his chances of getting it. {If you're not talking to each other, perhaps you can do this by mail}.
• Sum Avoid buying very expensive gifts to one-up the other parent.
• Sum If your child asks for something very expensive, decide on whether you think it's ok. Maybe you can share the cost.
• Sum Beware if he wants a gift that dad (or mom) won't buy. If you buy it you may unwittingly undermine the authority of the other parent.
• Sum If your child does play one of you against the other, talk to him about it. Ask him to think about how you feel. Then ask him to think about how he feels, really feels too.

These issues are difficult enough in an intact home. It's even harder in separate homes. Talking with your child about these things can help you learn about what's on each other's mind.

Adversities like these can have a positive effect - they can bring you and your child closer - if you let them.