Talking About Kids tips for March 19th's program, Gender Differences

• If you believe your son is preferring stereotypical girls'toys too long, look at other aspects of his behavior. If there is no other cause for concern, let him decide what toys to play with.
• Encourage your son as well as your daughter to talk about people's feelings, including their own; such as asking questions about how the characters feel when reading stories, about characters on TV, etc. This is important for your child to develop empathy for others in discomfort and who need help.
• Talk to your boys as well as girls with the same clarity about the acceptability or non-acceptability of behaviors, rather than communicating to boys that sometimes it is o.k. to (e.g., hit another child) and sometimes it is not.
• Whether you are a mother or a father, use supportive, nurturing statements to both your sons and your daughters.
• Let older boys know you care about their feelings too, even if they appear to "shut down." Unless there is danger or health at stake, let your middle school-aged and adolescent sons know you're there for them when they want to talk about things. Do not distance yourself emotionally from your son even if he conveys a need to be independent, and an air of "macho" behavior.
• Keep talking about emotions with your child in balance. Teach active coping skills early on, and not just focus on "bad" feelings.
• Closeness does not exclude growth of independence -- it helps to make your child feel he or she is asserting that independence within safe boundaries.
• Be aware that adolescence is a time when your daughter might show more moodiness than earlier. Help her to see that disappointments can be passing.
• Tell your daughter that math is vital. It's a very important part of living in a technological society, and it is an essential part of many careers -- even sex-stereotyped careers as nursing.

  Nora Newcombe, Ph.D
  Professor, Temple University
  e-mail: v6540e@vm.Temple.edu